Loving-Kindness Meditation: A Small Practice with Big Benefits

Loving-kindness meditation is one of those practices that hits my therapist sweet spot: an ancient Eastern practice that is now considered an evidence-based intervention after lots of Western medical research has affirmed its effectiveness. Intended to help us cultivate unconditional kindness and positive regard toward ourselves and others, this meditation has been shown to provide a wealth of benefits. And while the demonstrated improvements to our social connections and increases in positive emotion may not be surprising, there are numerous physiological benefits as well. Loving-kindness meditation has been shown to reduce migraines, PTSD symptoms, and chronic pain, improve heart rate variability (an important metric of the body’s stress response), and increase gray matter volume in the brain.

Also known as metta meditation, loving-kindness meditation is a traditional Buddhist practice that has become quite popular with mindfulness practitioners. In its original form, it can be a very intensive and extended practice. But it has also been shown to provide many of the previously discussed benefits in even small (aka short) doses, which is good news for those of us who may normally struggle with a sitting practice.

Another aspect of this practice that bodes well for meditation newbies? It asks us to direct our attention to tangible subjects and clear, concise thoughts. A meditation that directs us to attend to something specific, allowing our brain to feel as though it still has something to ‘do,’ can feel easier than one on stillness or observing thoughts as they arise.

Beginning a Loving-Kindness Meditation Practice

Putting yourself first- or not?

This meditation traditionally begins with self-directed love, gradually expanding out toward loved ones, acquaintances, then people toward whom we have difficulties, and finally to all sentient beings in this world. This is a beautiful and perfectly appropriate way to practice, and one which I plan to detail in a future post. However, for some of us, consciously focusing on love for the self first can feel unnatural, uncomfortable, or even stressful, and directing loving-kindness toward people with whom we are struggling can render the practice ineffective in improving our mental and emotional state.  So in the version below, I have made some adjustments, allowing us to settle into a space of loving-kindness and compassion for someone close to us before shifting that energy inward, then directing it back out.  Give it a try and see how it feels.  

Instructions

Find a comfortable seated position or lie down.  If it feels safe and comfortable to do so, close the eyes. If not, allow the eyes to remain softly opened and gazing on a fixed point in front of you, such as the flame of a candle.  Observe as your body begins to settle into the support underneath you and your breath begins to flow naturally, in and out of the nose.  Allow the hands to become relaxed.  Allow the muscles around the eyes to soften. 

As the breath and body become more steady, bring to mind someone you love.  Allow a sense of goodwill and positive wishes for them come into your focus. Notice the energy these thoughts and feelings hold- perhaps you notice a sense of warmth, expansion, or fullness in the heart space or other areas of the body.  Visualize directing that positive energy from inside your body outward toward the person you are thinking about.  Say the following statements to this person: “May you be happy.  May you be free.  May you feel peace and ease,” or incorporate any other statements of loving kindness that arise.  Visualize them receiving and internalizing these positive statements and feelings.

When you’re ready, bring to mind another person you have positive or neutral feelings toward, such as an acquaintance or casual friend.  With them, we will repeat the same process.  Allow a sense of goodwill and positive wishes for them to come into your focus.  As the energy of loving kindness for this person builds within you, visualize directing that energy toward them.  Imagine they can feel your expression of loving kindness.  Direct the following statements, or other thoughts that arise, toward them: “May you be happy.  May you be free.  May you feel peace and ease.” Notice the feelings that these statements evoke.  

Now direct your attention toward yourself in the same way as you would toward an old friend.  Continue to focus on a sense of goodwill and positive regard. Say following statements to yourself with love and compassion: “May I be happy.  May I be free.  May I feel peace and ease.”   Try to sink into the intentions behind the words.  Feel them as deeply as possible.

If you’d like to continue the meditation from here, you may want to bring other individuals to mind and practice making the same statements.  Or, you may choose to simply sit in the feelings of love, acceptance, and compassion the meditation has helped you cultivate thus far.